Just Hold My Hand
by Moriel21
Summary: My muse's response to Child's Play and what we've heard is coming in 4x13. Contains spoilers...and good DL!


**Warning! Contains Spoilers...so if you are spoiler free, read at your own risk or wait until after Ep.4x13 airs!**

**AN:** So like I said this contains some spoilers! I got this idea last night as I was thinking about what Danny and Lindsay have both gone through with tragedies, and with what we know is coming in this week's eppy (4x13), what I think is the "_bump_" we're all anxious to avoid...with Linds going to Danny's apartment and him turning her away...and I don't know yet how it will exactly go in the eppy, but this is how I want it to go...and since I have yet to get CBS to take my calls or accept my ideas, and since y'all on here are so much more receptive to good D/L ideas, I'm posting it for y'all on here, so yeah this is my version of how I'd have our "spoiler" idea go! Oh and to my fluffy buddies (especially **Fluffy Twin Aud** and my **TalkCSI D/L buddies** :D ) remember D/L's love will conquer all, and to my angsty buddies, this is as close to angst as I get I think! So yeah read and review...I love reviews, they're like yummy candy! Lol!

**Disclaimer:** Oh and I own nothing...otherwise NY would probably be the Danny and Lindsay show!

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_"I'm not very good at this kinda thing...what should I say to him?"  
"Just tell him you're not very good at this kinda thing."_

She stood in front of his door, staring at the number, debating her urge to knock. She knew instictively he would not want her there, not because he was angry at her, but because this kind of pain, she knew from experience, required you to wrap yourself up in a protective shield that kept even those you loved on the outside. It would fade, with time the intensity of it would lessen and he would be able to let her in again. But now, at the first, when it was still fresh, still raw, it would selfishly require all his strength and all his energy just to survive it. She knew that, from long experience and more pain than she cared to remember and yet still she stood outside his door, hand poised to knock. Her heart it seemed had chosen to forget the solitude she herself had so recently craved in the face of such pain. Instead it was requesting, no it was demanding, that she be here for him, even though she knew it wasn't what he wanted, somehow her heart knew that maybe, just maybe it was what he needed.

She had looked for him after he had left the morgue three days ago, searched the whole lab in fact, even checking the roof and the nearby bars and coffee shops they often frequented together. She had finally given up after three hours of searching, figuring if he really did not want to be found that badly that maybe it was wise of her to give him a little space. She was no stranger to the immediate desire to hole up somewhere and ignore the world that always seemed to follow a tragedy like this. The complete inevitiability of death and the total inability of anyone to truly fight it when it occurred, often caused an immediate panic and a need to run on a basic level. As if somehow by running away and not facing anyone you could either convince yourself it did not really happen, or if that did not work at least seal yourself off from ever caring for anyone or anything again. So that maybe just maybe you could avoid ever feeling this kind of pain again. It did not work of course, had not worked for her when she had pulled away from him. She still remembered the feeling of walking away from him in that hallway almost a year before. As strong as the pain and the need to escape and cope had been, just as strong had been the desire to turn and run back into his arms. She had not of course, choosing instead to continue walking away, choosing, though now she did not know why, to run. And still he had been there. He had been there as he had promised in that hallway, giving her the space she needed, yet still providing the silent strength she had so desperately craved.

Her heart clenched as she remembered the look of agony on Danny's face as she had come into the morgue that afternoon after hearing about Ruben. The helpless way he had stared at the body before turning and leaving. Ruben may as well have been his kid the way he talked about him. At least half the stories Danny had told her were about Ruben. The pride that filled his voice whenever he talked about the boy left no doubt as to how Danny felt about him. And now he was gone. He was gone and Danny was hiding and she was standing outside his door still debating whether or not to knock. She watched as her hand lifted to tap the wood of his door, wondering at it's audacity to act without her approval even as she heard his footsteps approach on the other side. She expected the pause before he unlocked the door, but not the redness of his eyes, and her heart melted again as she took in the suit he still wore. Flack had been right after all. When Danny had not shown up for work earlier that morning, she had covered for him immediately, knowing that whatever was going on he would have a damn good reason for not coming in. If nothing else it had only been three days since Ruben had been killed and that in itself was reason enough. Then Flack had come to her about an hour ago, after going by Danny's to check on him and finding nothing there but an empty apartment and a funeral program on the pool table. He had figured, correctly she knew looking at Danny now, that Danny had gone to Ruben's funeral and she, knowing well the effect funeral's can have, had decided to finally invade the space she had been carefully giving him.

_"Danny..."_ she faltered, uncertainty sweeping over her as he remained in the doorway, making no move to invite her in or even do more than barely acknowledge she stood there at all. She drew in a deep breath knowing she had to say something to avoid looking like a total fool, but any words were halted by Danny's tired voice.

_"Not now Montana, just please not now...I know I screwed up today, I shoulda told ya I wasn't comin' in, I'm sorry. But just...just...can we talk about it tomorrow? I promise, I'll talk about it tomorrow. Just not now okay?"_

She stared at him, her head barely nodding as her heart ached for the grieving man in front of her. He nodded back and slid the door shut, once again shutting himself away, and still she stood there. Her feet rooted somehow to that exact spot in front of his door, her eyes still seeing the pain and fear that had blazed so clearly out of Danny's. The pain, the fear and something else she knew just as well. The same desire, the same urge she had felt to turn and run back into his arms instead of running away, had shown from Danny's face as well. He had buried it with guilt and shame and fear, but she had seen it nonetheless. She was certain of that and it was that confidence that caused her hand to raise a second time to his door, her knock a little more sure this time. Her mind raced back to how she had felt all those months ago when the courtroom door had opened and he had stepped through. It was the last thing she had expected and the exact thing she had needed and she had finally admitted to herself at that moment that she loved him.

As Danny opened the door to her for the second time, she felt her heart fill again with a love so intense she knew without a doubt she would do anything in her power to ease this hurt he faced and erase that look of pain from his handsome face.

_"Linds..."_ Danny sighed softly then paused as any words he would have followed that with were halted by her gentle fingers covering his lips.

_"Danny..."_ she began softly, _"I'm not very good at this kinda thing. And I'm not even sure what I should say to you right now. I just know..." _She paused tears coming unbidden to her eyes as she stared at him.

_"I just know, that I love you..."_ She watched his bottom lip begin to quiver the tiniest bit and felt her own mimic his as her voice dropped to a tear-filled whisper.

_"I love you and I cannot bear to know you are in so much pain while I stand by and do nothing but leave you be. Please Danny,"_ she whispered, her voice cracking as her heart broke for him.

_"Please, I won't make you talk, but let me at least hold your hand and cry with you. Please."_ She fell silent then, her eyes locked on his, watching as a lone tear slid slowly down his unshaven cheek. She could see the battle going on in his head, she knew it well. Would he do as she had done and run away, or would he do what she had so longed to back then and run instead to the arms waiting to hold and comfort and love him?

An eternity passed in the two seconds they both stood there frozen, until finally as though waking from a dream Danny reached out a hand and slowly grasped her smaller one, his fingers instictively entagling with her own. He turned back into the apartment then and she followed silently behind him, her hand lovingly encased in his.


End file.
